Clean or Unclean Hearts

In september 2013 I began studying the Bible with an organization called BSF (Bible Study Fellowship). It has been good for me as I lack much Bible knowledge. I did not grow up studying the Bible so there are many stories and histories that I still do not know. But God is faithful and knows my eager heart to be in His word.

This week we are reading in Matthew 15 about Jesus' teachings to the Disciples Pharisees and Religious leaders about what it means to have a clean or unclean heart.
I felt convicted as I thought about how so often I may appear to be living the traditions of religion, but in my heart there are things like evil thoughts, envy, bitterness or just condition of being hard toward people God has put in my life. Here is what stood out to me most in my notes this week:

"Food enters the mouth, goes in the stomach and out of the body. Food cannot truly defile a person nor can food draw a person closer to God. What comes out of the mouth-our words- makes us unclean or corrupt, because it reveals what is inside. Sinful words betray wrong thoughts or emotions springing from an unclean heart. People might be outwardly religious without being truly followers of the Word of God. Following rules or fulfilling personal expectations sometimes replace true communion with God in prayer". -BSF International

This springs on so many thoughts in my head. I think about the number of ways we all tend to have our own agenda and our own set of personal expectations and if anything comes in the way of that- whether God, people, plans- then we become frustrated and whatever comes out is a reflection of what is going on on the inside. How do we treat or respond to people who are difficult or different than us? Do we have mercy and compassion for them like Jesus did? Or do we act out as a Pharisee and become hard and judgmental because someone doesn't meet our expectations or do things the way we would? It's a difficult one to swallow.

Pride is destructive. When we hold tighter to our own way or our own personal agenda rather than to treat others kindly and respond lovingly, I think we are harboring a hard and unclean heart. When we hold tighter to our pride rather than to freely love people and care for them the way Jesus did, rather than to lead them with kindness and a pure heart, I think that is religious. Rules and expectations. Pharisees.

How many of us would be comfortable asking the people closest to us how we are doing outwardly that is a reflection of what is going on on the inside? Would we allow them to give us a "heart check"? Are we humble enough to allow those we see as inferior to us to evaluate us and let us know how we are doing as far as treating others? It's difficult. Many of us don't enjoy criticism, even if it is constructive.

Here are some thoughts I have been thinking about....

Do I hand out harsh criticism more than I hand out true, heartfelt compliments?
Do I thank others enough?
Do I truly want what is best for others?
Do I encourage others enough and create a positive environment?
Is what I am doing creating more tension than peace? (At home, work, church groups?)
Are my words and actions towards God and others a reflection of a pure heart or one of a hard, bitter, unclean heart?

I don't want a heart like a religious, calloused Pharisee. I don't want to be remembered as being difficult, controlling, stubborn and power hungry. I want to be remembered as someone who could humble themselves enough to realize I am not always right and my way is not always the best. I want to be remembered as someone who puts the best interest of those around me before my own. I would rather be remembered as someone who showed grace and compassion towards others like Jesus did. I know I am too sinful to do this on my own, I'm going to need the power of God in my heart. It may take a lifetime to get there, but that's what I'm striving for.

This is the prayer of my heart this morning.

All in.

Yesterday was one of those days that started out great, then slowly went down hill. Nothing terrible happened. It was just a bundle of little things that kept building. There was one point when I had two crying toddlers screaming at the top of their lungs. In the moment of chaos, I had to laugh. I wanted to record them and send it to my husband at work just so that we could share that crazy moment together. It was either laugh or cry. Eventually they stopped, things mellowed out and daddy came through the door and I was actually able to make dinner.

When I finally laid my head down last night, I'm pretty sure it was pounding. I had a headache and I was so ready for bed.

I slept. I was so thankful for bedtime last night.

I woke up this morning with a refreshed spirit and a grateful heart, ready to try again. 

I can't help but think about and appreciate how much God teaches me on a daily basis through my family. I have been learning the older I get that family is such an amazing and crucial element in life. Having a family is hard. Everyone has different personalities and moods. Everyone has different emotions, different ways of expressing themselves and handling hard situations. 

Although yesterday was a bit rough, I said my prayers and thanked God for my family. God humbles me everyday through my children and my husband. I can be so into myself and how I feel and what I want and what I need, but God is so gracious in Giving me three humans to live under one roof with me, to mold me, bend me, break me, teach me and grow me. 

 God uses different people to encourage us in our daily lives and today I am grateful for that. I am grateful for the moments when I'm on the floor scrubbing old juice for no other reason than the fact that God has given me a home to raise my family and enjoy those beautiful moments of unconditional love and hugs and kisses. I'm grateful for cries and screams and sleepless nights and misunderstandings and hurt feelings because when those moments pass, I get to see first hand what redemption looks like. I get to experience humility. I get to die to myself. I get to apologize and I get to forgive. I get to hug my husband and kids and feel what real love is all about. Being loved in all of my sin and selfishness. That's how God loves me. That's how he loves all of us.

Today, I am extra thankful that God has trusted me to be a wife and a mother. It's not easy and it's certainly not a feat to be finished quickly. It's gonna take a lot of years. It's gonna take a lot of cries but also a lot of laughs. There's gonna be lots of laundry, messy pb & j's, lots of spilled juice and lots of hurried mornings out the door. But The Lord promises good to me and there's also gonna be lots of love! Lots of tender moments. Lots of embraces, lots of cookie making, lots of ah-hah moments, lots of problems resolved and lots of memories that we will hold in our hearts forever.

Today, even if what I give seems so little, I thank Jesus for this opportunity. I thank Him that I am part of something so much bigger and valuable than just a quick accomplishment that will fade fast. I am thankful that my investment today is in my family. I am thankful I get to serve my husband and kids. I love them so deeply and I am humbled. 

I pray that today we will all be encouraged and blessed as we go about our day to day roles of being a family. Family is so good and so rich and so valuable. Give me your strength each new day and in each moment. Thank you Lord, this will take a lifetime, but I am all in.

"Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things" - 1 Corinthians 13:7

Thank you Jesus for Marcos, Boston and Abigail.

Hopes and prayers for the wee ones.

There it is. The moment I thought about my whole life. Wondering what it would be like to be the adult, the parent. This is it, right now. There is my energetic, full-of-life, blue-eyed toddler... jumping around my couch and tossing pillows across the room. And there is his curly-haired little sister, waddling around chasing him down the hall. This is it. Parenthood. My husband and I, two sinners saved by grace, just trying to figure out this crazy world. Often times feeling like a crazy toddler ourselves... bobbling around, looking up to our father in heaven to take our hand, to help us understand this world.

There are days that I feel very confident as a parent. Other days, I'm ready to throw in the towel. But thank you God for this opportunity. I am blessed. These are things that I hope my children will learn from my husband and I. Not just by "teaching" them, but by "showing".

1. People matter.

I truly hope my kids understand this. I hope by our lives, they see that nothing matters more to God than people. All people. People we don't like, people who are different than us, people who just get on our nerves... they all matter to God. I hope they never learn from me that it is okay to sit around and gossip about others and why we are so much better than them. This simply is not okay in our eyes. I pray my kids want to love and serve others because their parents loved and served others. I want my kids to see through our example that "You were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another." Galatians 5:13. I pray God would instill this in us each day so that they may have this heart as well.

2. They matter.

I pray my kids will see and understand their worth in Christ. I pray they can understand how deep and how wide God's love is for them. I pray that their dad and I can daily understand that we are deeply loved by our Father in Heaven so that Psalm 139:14 would ring true in their own souls and they will know "I am fearfully and wonderfully made". I pray when they feel slammed by a crazy world, that they would put their hope in Christ and look to him for confidence. I pray they understand that God has an amazing plan and purpose for each of their unique little lives. Lord, please help them to feel loved, each day of their lives. Help us to listen to them. Help us to be attentive in those little babbling and ramblings and cute stories they so eagerly tell. Help us to listen. To affirm and build up. Help us to point them to you.

3. Slow down.

I don't think I have to go in depth on how fast and busy this world is. All the distractions. All the busyness and schedules and to-do lists and things to get done. It's hard to balance this as an adult, but I pray we can. I pray we slow down and unplug. We set our electronics, tasks, errands aside and take time with those we love. I pray I embrace my time and be present with my family. I pray we have many moments of just sitting on the back patio, watching the sunset and enjoy melting popsicles on a cool summer night. I pray we feel the breeze through our hair and feel the way it brushes against our skin. I pray we look up and breathe in the awe and wonder of a big God, who created so many beautiful things for us to enjoy. I pray they learn to savor the little things and enjoy the moment they are in right now. I pray they know the value in just sitting and spending time with people they love. Even if it is just sharing a laugh or telling stories. I pray they know it is okay to not be busy. It is okay to just be, and to just soak in God's goodness. Remind me of this too, as each new day comes.

4. Feed the soul.

I cannot boldly face the day with a full spirit without first spending time with the one who gave it all. I love just waking up and spending time with God. I love giving him thanks for all He has given me. I love just sitting and contemplating and wondering why God would give me so much when I know I deserve so little. I love opening up my Bible and being reminded of His promises to me. I love feeling His grace and forgiveness, so that I can give it. I love blasting my worship music... some days the tears just fall as I pray over my family and this world, other days I can't control the laughter and the way my kids and I dance around the kitchen. That feeling of "I can't get enough of my Jesus right now". I pray my kids feel Him and know Him and they are surrounded by people who will push them to seek Him more, because He is love.

5. He is the "I am".

God is God. The creator of the universe. The one in control of it all. I pray my kids know they don't have to do this life on their own. Every day, every step, every decision, every breathe... I pray they know they are not alone. I pray they come to know Christ as their personal Savior, and they know that He is always on their side. I pray at a young age they experience His promises like Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you,' Declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." I pray they grow to love and live in awe of our Heavenly Father and to find confidence and a purpose in Him. I pray we live in such a way, that these things are evident and true to them.

Lord, these are just a few things I pray for my children. I know being a parent is a big job and a big responsibility. Help us each new day to look to you for help, strength, guidance. Lead us as we lead these precious children that you have loaned to us. Thank you Jesus for sweet moments, difficult moments, teachable moments and the joy that parenthood brings. And thank you for loving me today and always.

Amen.

Grace.

One of my dearest friends in the world, Aurora Vilchis, continually encourages me... even when she doesn't mean to. That's just who she is. You feel the love of Jesus shining out of her, even when she doesn't try. One day I was visiting her to let our little baby loves play, and I saw these words on the home screen of her laptop:

"I will hold myself to a standard of Grace, not perfection".

The words stuck with me. How many times in my life am I tripped up and led astray by the delirious lie of perfection? Not only have I shoved it upon others in my life, but I carry the weight of perfection around on my own shoulders.

How often do I expect perfection from my spouse, my kids, my friends, my family, my co-workers, and perhaps most toxically, myself? How often do I throw my hands up and want to quit because it gets hard and I am just not measuring up? Or how often do we give up on others because they don't measure up?

God's love for us should be a prime illustration of this idea of perfection versus grace. His love for us is freely given and sealed in our hearts for eternity. He loves us at our best and at our worst. His grace pours over us in moments when we just can't lift our eyes. He holds us in his hands, not just when we feel good about ourselves, but He holds us when we are disgusted with ourselves.

Perhaps we hold onto our own pride and guilt tighter than we hold onto His love and promises.

God does not hold you and I to a standard of perfection. What He gives is grace. Once we can grasp the fact that He loves us right where we are, in all that we have done and are yet to do, we may then be able to absorb His love. Maybe then we can accept grace and give grace. We stand with open hands before The Lord, accepting His good gifts, so that we are able to give them away. Accept grace and give grace.

Today, I am reminded that I will never be a perfect wife. I will never be a perfect mother. I will never be a perfect friend. I will never be a perfect person...Nor will I ever live life with perfect people. Yet, in this reality, He still desires to bless me in all of these! I serve a perfect God whose love He perfectly lavishes upon me. In this truth, may I shine. May I accept His mercy and grace. May I be loved. May I be lavishly loved. May I receive it so that I can give it. May I love with all my heart.

Grace trumps perfection every time.... In my Marriage, in my family, in my friendships, and in my heart. Thank you Jesus for this sweet reminder today.

"But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, He saved us, not because of Righteous things we had done, but because of His mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom He poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that having been justified by His grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life. This is a trustworthy saying. And I want you to stress these things, so that those who have trusted in God may be careful to devote themselves to doing what is good. These things are excellent and profitable for everyone." -Titus 3:4-8

Blessings to you all today as you accept grace, and hopefully give it.

Thank you Aurora, my soul sister, for being a blessing to me every day of my life.

Be still.

Prayer: an intimate communion with God.

Pray.

"Be still and know that I am God." -Psalm 46:10

Be present, give thanks.

Sometimes I sit here with the urge to write and I wonder how I should start it off. What headline should I use that grabs the full idea of words coming together? Today the thoughts swimming around in my brain are about this moment right now. Life is crazy and wild and busy. Some days just seem to fly by in a wink. Even years seem to do that.

This crazy busy of life, how do I make the most of it? How do I enjoy each day to the fullest instead of wasting it away on thoughts of the past or hopes of the future? Having small kids I often think, where have the last three years gone? It feels like I just gave birth to my first child, my baby boy and now I have a three year old toddler and a one year old! Time sure does fly! Mothers whose kids have grown and have flown the nest tell me it really does go by so quickly.

I know that I can't stop time or keep my kids small forever. I already think, "I can't imagine my babies being adults and moving out of my house." Yes, they are still so little and that day seems like a lifetime ahead of me, but I want to look back and say that I made the most of every day. Being a parent is the most amazing, terrifying, crazy, wild, sweet, enjoyable, tiring, most fulfilling thing I've ever been blessed to do. There are joys and there are struggles, but I want to be "all here" for all of it.

Life isn't just about "getting it right" or "waiting for the day." No matter what it is we are all working towards, what dreams lie in our hearts or what visions we strive to make a reality, dreams are great and essential! But the joy comes when I learn to appreciate each little moment along the way. The fullness is found in the little setbacks and in the smallest victories.

Learning to be present in whatever life situation I am in, this is where I taste the sweet honey on my lips. For a long time it seemed I was waiting for something big to happen, when sweet little moments of life were happening all around me.

What I know right in this moment is that God is good, he sees the whole picture, he has already blessed me beyond measure, and he just keeps sprinkling little bits of goodness throughout each one of my days. The problem is not that bad stuff keeps happening in our lives, but that we are so focused on those, that we forget to "look" and to "see" all of the good things he gives us each day.

Thank you Jesus for your goodness. Thank you for even your littlest of blessings. Thank you that even when something bad happens or doesn't work out just the way we'd like, you still have a profound way of showing me your divine beauty. This life is but a blink of an eye and one day we will walk the gates of Heaven with you. Thank you for all the ways you are teaching me and molding me in this life. Help me to see your beauty even in the ugliest of days. You are good and your love endures forever!

I recently started reading a book called "One Thousand Gifts" by author Ann Voskamp. It has been helping to spur me on in grasping the beauty of this moment and being thankful for all of the little things, that ultimately, are the big things indeed :)

Pure Goodness

I have lived on this earth for 28 years so far. I have learned some good lessons, some hard ones and I surely have more to learn. I've seen some good and bad along the way. I have been a great person to some, and I have let others down. I've been lifted up by great people, and I've also been let down by great people. This is the reality of our humanity.

 But God offers us something better. God offers us Love and grace... to accept, and to give.  I have learned what Grace looks like, in how God shows me grace in all of my sin, and in how through Him, I've been able to show grace to others.

 I never want to stop learning about these gifts of love and grace. I hope I never stop feeling them. I want to be reminded daily that God is always for me. He overwhelms my soul with His goodness and the way He satisfies me beyond any tangible thing or person in this life. His love never fails and even when I've walked through a pit of darkness, His undying love never gives up on me. His love is great. His promises are new each morning.

Psalm 103 says,

"Praise The Lord, O my soul; all my inmost being, praise His holy name. Praise The Lord O my soul, and forget not  His benefits- Who forgives all your sins and heals you, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagles."

I don't know about you, but I've been let down by this world. But the good news is, I don't have to let that define me. I want to hold onto a promise like Psalm 103. I want that pure goodness that comes from my father in heaven who so deeply loves me. I am His. In all of my shortcomings and in all of my sin, He delights in me and offers His grace. Over and over. He is good, when there is nothing good in me.

I know of God's goodness because I have tasted it, and He promises to never leave me thirsty.

"Praise be to The Lord forever! Amen and Amen."

- Psalm 89-52